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I see it every year: the hand holding, the sweet whispers, the loving gazes into each other’s eyes. I’m not talking about couples out for a special Valentine’s Day dinner, no, I’m talking about the little girls I see at my daughter’s elementary school. These students, generally in kindergarten or first grade, are totally smitten with the object of their affection — their first best friend.
From the outside, the bond between these young girls looks simply adorable, but on further examination, it also mirror another event that’s still years away — the first time they fall in love. When you think about it, first best friendships are really just a training ground that prepares us for the more adult stuff that lies ahead. Their puppy love reminds me of teenage love, albeit totally platonic.
Here’s a closer look at the emotional roller coaster ride:
Stage 1. They Talk About Each Other Constantly
In the car riding home from school, at the dinner table, while going for an afternoon stroll, there is one topic that comes up again, and again, and yes, again — your child’s new BFF. You’ll learn way more than you ever thought you would about your child’s pal, from their favorite color (blue followed by a dark green) and how they like their sandwiches (no mustard and the crusts MUST be cut off) to which Pokemon is their favorite (Articuno … this week). The nice thing about this oversharing is that you’ll really get to know what sort of kid your child is hanging out with, but deep down you’ll hope they start to talk about something, anything else.
Stage 2. They Hold Hands and Hug (A Lot)
Generally holding hands and an inordinate amount of hugging is usually reserved for those in a romantic relationship or between a parent and child. But young girls can be very physical and find comfort in holding hands with their BFF everywhere they go. Also the hugging, lots of hugging; they will squeeze their new pal so tight they may have to beg for air.
Stage 3. They Have Their Own Secret Language
You might overhear your child and her BFF speaking in what sounds like a mixture of baby talk, pig Latin and gibberish. Sometimes the English language just cannot offer them as much as they want in terms of communication and they feel the need to create their own language. Plus they get to feel like all us big folks can’t understand what they’re sayin’ but we can tell … we can always tell.
Stage 4. They Start to Dress the Same
Does your little girl suddenly become spiteful when she looks at her closet full of dresses and declares she has “nothing to wear,” and insists that what they REALLY need is a pair of Adidas track pants and a statement t-shirt (preferably promoting My Little Pony)? If so, she may have been bitten by the “let’s be twinsies love bug,” wanting to almost “be” her new BFF but not in a Single White Female way.
Stage 5. They Want to Spend Every Waking Moment With Their BFF
“Can we have another sleepover?” “Can we have another play date?” “Can you talk to the teacher and have her desk moved next to mine?” These are all refrains heard from little girls who really want to spend every single waking moment with each other. Their new friend is like oxygen — they feel the deep pangs of needing them, that is until the infatuation fades, which it always does.
Stage 6. They Get Jealous
This is a tough one for the little ones: the moment their friend suddenly starts to be interested in other little girls. Your child can become bitter, spiteful and upset while in the throws of jealousy. When her pal wants to start “seeing other girls,” it can be devastating.
Stage 7. There is Heartbreak
Many times, but not always, there is heartbreak. The girl of your child’s affections might transfer to another school, might move to another town, might find a new BFF or they might just have moved on from your child; it was more a fling than a long-term commitment. It will hurt, but know that this will make them stronger, sturdier and will prepare them for what is ahead, because everyone gets their heartbroken at some point.
Throughout all this, our job as parents is to make sure they handle the ups and downs in a way that prepares them for when the “real” thing comes along. Just have the Kleenex ready.
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